Tears Of Anger Running Down Her Face

"Sometimes I wonder what is it that keeps me holding on to you. Is it the thought of unfamiliarity or the knowledge of knowing what would bring if I were to move on that scares me? Yet it's not like you are that special. Maybe you were when I was blinded by love. But now the sight of you just disgusts me. Thoughts of you and the things that you have done to hurt me not once, not twice but too many times cuts through my mind over and over again and this makes me realise that you are a jerk all along. You lied to me, you used me, and you made me feel special when you know I'm not. You played with my heart,yeah you did that too. All of those five years I've wasted thinking I could ever be with you. Boy, so many things could have been done if it not were for you. And yet you took my heart away, taking me for granted. Why? Did I look that fun to play with? Was playing with my heart your goal or maybe they gave away prizes for making someone fall in love with you and then to break her heart by getting involved with someone else. Someone more of a stranger than I ever were to you. Then again, is our friendship all a lie now? So let's see, he lied, he played and he cheated. Now doesn't he deserve a standing ovation? Will everyone please stand up? He very very well deserves that. Sometimes I wish I didn't really care so much about you. Why can't I be more like you? To care only at selected times AND at selected people. Then again, my heart is not evil like yours.
There are times the look in your eyes tells me some thing. Things like I wish you were mine but in reality you just don't act that way. It's as if the better part of you is your head, where what you show to the world is not what your heart really feels. But that look in your eyes, that short moment of love for me, only lasts a second and in the next you're back pretending that I didn't matter. So what is it? DO you or do you NOT care about me? Cause as it is I'm totally baffled by your stupidity, now you have to throw in a little concern for me? Just so you know, I'm all ears. Tell me."