There Are These Moments : 唯一

Another one of my 'memories' post, again please forgive me for the boredom, but it feels good to be able to remember these moments and to jot it down. Even if things do not work out the way I wished it would, at least I would have these happy events to put in my little pocket and to remind me of those good times that I have actually had.

So for starters, this may sound totally freakish and weird but I dreamt of you once, totally random, it wasn't one of those fantasies that I would usually imagine up in my head, this one, it actually felt like I was really dreaming. So the first (or maybe even the second, if the first time I saw you was the one where you sat a few seats in front of me) time that I saw you was at that event, and after that night, I really was hoping against all odds that I'd be able to see you again, but I knew that this was not a small town, we could very well not have seen each other again. But a girl can hope right. So off to bed i went that night and i dreamt of something so meaningful to me. Out of all wonderful places I do not have a single idea why it would have been this place, which if I was not mistaken was a karaoke place or something of that sort whereby it was my special day (most probably birthday) and you were about to dedicate a song to me. And much to my surprise, of all songs, 'you' chose 唯一. I remembered feeling so touched and special that someone like you, you know that it means so much to me when you say that I am your one and only. That was when I knew that this song was sort of ours. But of course, only in my dreams.

Never did I expect you to do what you did a few weeks later. We were just hanging out, and you were checking out my songs, and that as we were scrolling through, you decided to pick 唯一 and you said in a joking manner that you were the composer of that song. So why of all songs did you pick that one? Especially as it was the one that I had a 'relationship' with, if I could put it that way(haha). Hmm, I still wonder really, maybe someday you can tell me, whether it was unintentional, and what you did was in fact fate trying to tell us that maybe in this crazy world of ours, that this could actually mean something, a possibility.

There Are These Moments : i can't tell you

You know there are many times that you feel you are not good enough, but did you know that to me you are everything? you are the most good looking guy, i can even say that you are hot. or at least you are to me. and your personality? i just keep falling more and more deeply in love with you, the more and more i get to know you.but then again, what makes my opinion special right? i mean who bothers?

I still can't ignore the thing that you said to me, when you thought I thought you not good looking, but you gotta excuse me right, i can't be telling you yea you know what, i think u are the hottest person to me. but i can't, cos that would be just crazy and i really don't wanna know what will happen because most of the time it's bad. But I was touched when I said that my opinion didn't matter to you, and you that it was important. Wow.

There Are These Moments : test

Still remember the day when we sat for that test? It was the night before when we were playing around and I was just jokingly asking if I could sit with you so that I may copy. At that time I really was jus playing around because I knew that there was no chance for us. Little did I know it actually came true, still shocks me until now whenever I think back. I can remember that day very clearly, how you were so kind and caring for me, really made me feel like I was the only one receiving such treatment. It all started when we all were entering the hall, before that you reminded me once more to go into the hall with you, and true to your word you actually waited for me to enter the hall together, searched for a place with your friends, and when we thought that we had to skip a spot, you actually sat with me a row behind your friends, you could always not bother about me right? Then seeing as nobody followed the rule of the hall, you asked if I wanted to sit with your friends, there were no objections so we went ahead. But if we were to sit there without adjustments, we would have been separated, so when you asked your friend to move to the left, leaving 2 spaces available side-by-side, I was shocked that you cared so much to even bother asking you friend to move a seat just so we could sit together. Then during the whole test, you were so kind and you checked up on me, making sure that I was okay, and even helping me towards the end. Such a happy day, one that I'll always remember.

There Are These Moments : 30cents

30cents. I find that there may not be as many things that can be bought with 30cents nowadays. Must be the fact that the changes of time is affecting us in many ways such as the increase of prices. But I'm not here to talk about the value and prices and whatnot, I'm here reminiscing the day you called me out for a movie, and a very significant 30cents was one of the highlights of the day. Maybe to some, you spending that little almost negligible sum of money on me is somewhat stupid, and some may even consider me a joke for remembering such a nonsensical event, but I can't help feeling special in some ways. Maybe it was because you were so caring, to ask me if I wanted to go to the ladies, and taking me there, paying for me. Although these were small gestures, it made me feel like there is something there, something different in the way you treated me as compared to others. Take that instance when Lily went to the ladies and you were just, you know, oh okay, go ahead. So you knew that she wanted to go, but didn't bother about the fact that maybe her motive was to also get you to say 'oh okay, let's all go together' or something along those lines or even maybe offering to go along just to ensure her safety because believe me, one can never be too careful. So here's the thing. I felt that the way you treated me was extra special compared to others. But I don't know if it's true. All I can say is you are special to me, and every time I have 30cents, it just reminds me of the how sweet you were to me, not too long ago, and I will always cherish the things that you have done for me, even as small as 30cents, maybe, really there is something more and there is only one way to find out, we wait.

There Are These Moments : jacket

The one item when I see reminds me so much of you and the time we had together. Your jacket brings me lots of memories. Just that day, Sanyz had her boyfriend's one with her and that distinct memory that I had with you all came flashing back. The time when we were in the theatre and you were sitting on my left. I actually 'forgot' to bring my jacket, but I didn't complain or whatsoever. Funny thing was I actually thought that you were not going to do anything as the movie was ending, and just when I thought no, nothing's gonna happen, you came and ask me if I was cold. So sweet! You could always not bother about me, even with the fact that I was trying to hint something there, if you didn't care about me, you wouldn't have bothered much about me right? Then you passed to me your jacket, and with difficulty, I opened it slightly, while paying attention to the movie we were watching. Watching out for me, you asked if I could open it as you saw me struggling with your jacket, and then you took it from me, un-zipped it almost smoothly, and passed it back to me once again. Sigh.. makes me melt every time I remember that moment. I covered myself, wishing I didn't have to return it, and hoping that that moment could last forever. What a joy it was to be holding something that belonged to you, in my arms, just as if we had something special. Do we? Maybe we do......

There Are These Moments : i'm your conversations?

Basically, it amazes me that I am part of your conversations with your friends.. Like that time when we were just friends and I was starting to hang out with your friends, you told them that I don't really know how to speak Mandarin, which is funny because you know, it feels weird that I was part of a conversation before.

Then that day, once again, I was talking to your friend and she told me that you were telling her that I played the piano. Made me think once again, am i part of some of your conversations? Do you speak of me because you think of me? That's a nice thought really, makes me feel as if I am special. Am I?

There Are These Moments : a brief introduction

okay, a brief introduction should have been the first post, but since the formality does not apply to blogs and I would like to be different, so it shall be my second post! haha..

Basically, I'm here to write about these moments that we have had together, to remember it in detail as I feel that, although I have said that there are times before I met you that were sweet (with other people that is) but I don't know why I feel different with you, as if the times we had is much much sweeter as compared to the other memories that I have had. And the way you treat me, its much better and different when I compare with others. If I thought that there was something going on last time when I was younger, the way you treat me now is so very different when I compare with them. Even now, the way you treat me, hmm, I kind of feel its different. Anyway, not to worry I'm here to document these sweet memories just in case i forget them.

Even if things don't work between us, I'll take it as memories of us as friends, a chapter in my life that HAPPENED and just for me to enjoy the feeling I had when I was around you.

Though these memories are not in chronological order, these posts will be as randomly as I am. Stick around to find our more! =)

There Are These Moments : august 6

That's the first time we had a real conversation. One that lasted more than 5 minutes. I remembered the clown I was, when Sanyz told me you just went into the room next door. Knowing that you would come out soon, I stayed in the room while I waited for the signal from Sanyz to come on out. A few moments later as you walked out, I came out too, pretending as if it was a coincidence for us to meet and there was that moment for us to chat, and to get to know each other a little better.

We started talking about the normal things and what surprised me was the fact that you knew so many things about me. The fact that you actually bothered to remember and to know me, that still amazes me until today. This is the first sweet memory that happened between us two and it is something that I would like to remember, never to forget.

You knew things like where I was from, if you weren't interested you wouldn't have bothered to remember that the first time we met at a small gathering where we were separated into groups of 'where we were from'. You even knew how to spell my name. This happened the first time we exchanged phone numbers. Quite a surprise really, for many will spell my name incorrectly.

The fact that you actually walked with us to the bus stop instead of with you friends was a huge surprise! Though there were doubts of you being friends with me, maybe you had something up your sleeve, but the fact remains that it was to me that you talked, you couldn't even remember my friend's name. Say you were after her, wouldn't she be the name that you would remember? Am I not right? So there you go for There Are These Moments.

As of today

As of today, I would be updating my blog more often. If time permits, I may update it everyday, otherwise it would be a weekly update.

On to the more important reason as to why I want to update my blog more frequently is that I would like to jot down the important memories that I have as a way of remembering what we have gone through so far. Though we may not be together, we may look upon the times we had together some day and I would like to take this chance to keep this memory alive. As the hours are restricting the time I have here, I shall continue this another time, till then, au revoir!

Why do you want to know me?

The distance has been killing me. I don't know if this is something good or bad, but what I do know is that even when I was there, although I can't be with you always, the thought of being quite close to you keeps me sane. Now that we're an ocean a part, it drives me crazy. I miss you so very much, at the same time I can't keep you out of my mind. I think of you all the time, sometimes positive when I tell myself that a lot of things that you have done is pointing to the positive end, while at times I start going mad when I tell myself that the possibility to that is nil, that it's just a game, something with no possibilities. Yes, I know that I have to radiate positive energy to encourage this, but I can't help it at times when I find that I'm just being used, you don't care about me no more, and everything that you have done before is nothing but just a thing you think should be fun to play with. Let me tell you it's no fun at all. I miss you like crazy, but I can't tell you because I'm so afraid of the outcome. I want to ask you, 'Why was it that you wanted to be friends with me?' because I'm curious to know why someone like you would want to get to know someone like me. Deep down, though I try to tell myself its not true, I can't help but wonder if you getting to know me is the key for you to get something that you want, though I can't think at all what that reason may be. But if in fact, you really do, I wish you would tell me soon enough. Because the things that I have played again and again in my head is absolutely driving me crazy! Then when I think back to all those times that you were so sweet to me, getting to know me, taking care of me, that's when I realize that this can all only boil down to one thing and that is you really really, from the bottom of your heart, want to get to know me. For the first time in my life, someone wants to get to know me. Most of the time it'd be like how your friends are with me, they only talk to me because you are friends with me. That's how I usually end up being friends with a guy so it was a total shock when you wanted to get to know me, actually taking time to talk to me and to get to know me better. Is this true? Or was this all just a lie, something that I read too much into?