Hating Me.

If you hate me, just don't talk to me. Don't pretend like we are okay.

At times you make me feel special and the other times are filled with hatred. Don't think I didn't see you shaking your head, I'm not blind, I'm not stupid, I know when it's time to say goodbye. 

Few, but Sweet

I wished i didn't have to see your face. The sight of you brought up a million and one emotions, some I wanted to feel and others, not very much. When I saw you today, I tried to cover up all emotions and thoughts, I wanted to forget you. But then I realized, the only way for me to do that is to not see you anymore. This is not possible. We go to the same place everyday. Soon, very soon, I might not have to see you at all, that is probably the most exciting news you've ever heard isn't it? When I see your friendly face talking and having fun, it makes me want to cry, but I hold it in, I know very well that I'm over you, so why do I get this emotions then? I wished I didn't love you before then at least I'd have that feeling I had with you before. You being so sweet, kind, and gentle. You being my friend, why did I have to go and spoil it? But then again I can't blame myself, because if I didn't do what I did then I'd never had experienced that fuzzy feeling when I saw you walking towards me, or how my heart would melt everytime they made fun of us but u didn't bother, or maybe that time when every movement you made made me feel as if you had eyes only for me. I think I was hallucinating, cause how's it possible that I felt that when now that I know you never really meant that. Sometimes if you took the chance and look at me you'd notice that I have on a small and silly smile, that must have been when I thought of you asking me questions about my love life, acting all interested in it, or how you made me laugh as you teased me like I was your sister or how you just used to be you. I know that now I feel upset and wished I hadn't done what I did, but I'm glad, in fact totally loving the fact that these few but sweet memories we had will always be kept in my heart. Whereas to you, I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Yesterday you broke my heart. Today you smashed it to bits.

What does it mean, your actions today?

You seem to tease me behind my back.

Makes me feel like it's all an act.

Tell me really what are your motives?

Cause sometimes I feel,

Like it wasn't enough for you

To play with my heart.

You'd like to take it and smash it to bits

To make me feel as if I did not exist.

Maybe that wouldn't have been that bad.

To not exist feels better than to be backstabbed.

That is even if you do get what I mean.

Change For The Better....

Things have changed. I thought that I have moved on for the better. I was excited at first, thinking that this time, things would be different, you would be a change, a change for the better.I was so happy, practically glowing with joy, eyes twinkling like diamonds, if only I could have captured that moment, that moment when I was so happy, because now with all the pain, I think I've kind of forgotten what it was like to be in love. Little did I know that what I thought would be, did not turn out the way it should have been, and this really has upset me, I was not only dissapointed, I was hurt. Everything seemed to be fine at first, then all of a sudden your actions were as if your thoughts were not yours, that you seem to have somebody else telling what you should do and what you should be. I'm not saying that whatever you have chosen is wrong but what I'm trying to tell you is that this not being you thing has affected me greatly, even if I try to pretend it is not. One minute you seem to care and the next it's like I disgust you so. Maybe things wouldn't have been that bad if you told me in the first place that you and I, we're just friends. In fact you told me otherwise, you made me think that it was okay, the 'me liking you thing'. If only I didn't do what I did before,then at least I'd have a friend now that I'm proud for. But then again, it's no use thinking what has been done, for it is the past and that I should move on. So how come I've got a feeling that the way things are right now, isn't what you wished and want it to be, somehow you and I we seem to want more. Or maybe it's just me trying to be optimistic and reading you the wrong way. What say you? I'd like to know the truth, right about now.

I want to make your everything alright...

Call me stupid, call me crazy but yeah, I'll do anything for you if anything means that much to you :P
don be sad, i don wan you to be, cos if you are then it makes me feel sad that that's how you really feel. So yeah, you can start calling me crazy right about now:P

A Short Question

Let me ask you this. When someone likes you and you have no feelings whatsoever for that person, wouldn't you avoid and tell him/her "No, you're just no interested?"
Then tell me why isn't that what you have done in the first place cos it seems to me now as if that is really what you feel. Instead you made me believe that you were okay with me liking you. In fact, you actually showed some signs to me that you were actually flattered too. Then suddenly everything just changed. Tell me, what is it that really goes through your mind cause I really don't get you. And this avoiding me thing? It's really really just disturbing. All I'm asking is to be friends, cause now I know that you are not comfortable with us being more than that. But I do wish that you did tell me earlier that you and I cannot be more than friends then at least now I'm not so upset and depressed.

I'd appreciate it :)

There are so many things that I wish I didn't do
So many things that starts with an 'if only'
And though I wished we'd still be friends
I know, that whats done is done
What could be, should be
There's no use thinking of things that might have been
And things that shouldn't have been done
Things happen for a reason
And that's something I have become

Although I wish that things could be different
And I tried, I did, I tried to change that
But you seem to take it the wrong way
No, I'm not that into you
No, I don't understand what you're trying to do
No, it's not the same without you

In my mind there are these thoughts
Thoughts of how you use to treat me
Thoughts of how you use to tease me
Happy happy thoughts of you and me
Just like you did today
But instead today you weren't with me

Then I find myself stranded in the field
Just thinking if this is real
And much as I wouldn't want to admit
I know that you had enough of it
But you ought to know that you lied
Not just to me but to everyone else
You said you wouldn't do what you did
But just look at it now, this, it's contradicting
Then again you wouldn't get this
This trying to understand me thing
But anyhow, I'd appreciate
If you did put a little effort in it.

Tears Of Anger Running Down Her Face

"Sometimes I wonder what is it that keeps me holding on to you. Is it the thought of unfamiliarity or the knowledge of knowing what would bring if I were to move on that scares me? Yet it's not like you are that special. Maybe you were when I was blinded by love. But now the sight of you just disgusts me. Thoughts of you and the things that you have done to hurt me not once, not twice but too many times cuts through my mind over and over again and this makes me realise that you are a jerk all along. You lied to me, you used me, and you made me feel special when you know I'm not. You played with my heart,yeah you did that too. All of those five years I've wasted thinking I could ever be with you. Boy, so many things could have been done if it not were for you. And yet you took my heart away, taking me for granted. Why? Did I look that fun to play with? Was playing with my heart your goal or maybe they gave away prizes for making someone fall in love with you and then to break her heart by getting involved with someone else. Someone more of a stranger than I ever were to you. Then again, is our friendship all a lie now? So let's see, he lied, he played and he cheated. Now doesn't he deserve a standing ovation? Will everyone please stand up? He very very well deserves that. Sometimes I wish I didn't really care so much about you. Why can't I be more like you? To care only at selected times AND at selected people. Then again, my heart is not evil like yours.
There are times the look in your eyes tells me some thing. Things like I wish you were mine but in reality you just don't act that way. It's as if the better part of you is your head, where what you show to the world is not what your heart really feels. But that look in your eyes, that short moment of love for me, only lasts a second and in the next you're back pretending that I didn't matter. So what is it? DO you or do you NOT care about me? Cause as it is I'm totally baffled by your stupidity, now you have to throw in a little concern for me? Just so you know, I'm all ears. Tell me."

while my head is telling me to let him go, my heart says otherwise...

Sometimes I find myself put in a position I know I shouldn't be in. I miss you at times but I know it is wrong to feel it. I miss being close to you, I miss the times when a little touch can send a thousand volts coursing through my veins and those times when you'd look at me and made sure you memorised each detail so that tonight it'd be easier for you to dream. And yet it gets me wondering if I should still like you even now. Maybe we belong together but that can only happen in the future, not now. But no matter how my thoughts have cruised to the near possibility of that, I still can't imagine being with you for all you have done was to dissapoint me while I tried in the least to make you happy. For so many years I have been there for you but you never ever saw that. And if you did like me for that matter it would then dawn on you that this is not the way you should be returning my love. Some days you treat me like a stranger and others like the bestest of friends. What was or is your motive all along? Maybe you should let me know, then at least this cloud of confusion over my head can be somewhat cleared up. For too long I gave you so many chances. Some said it was a waste of time, I should not have allowed myself to be fooled by you and believe me I'm starting to believe it myself. And try as I might to forget you, I have to admit that I miss a little of your loving even if I know that it is wrong. But know that out in the open, I'd say I am over you, but in my heart, I'd say a tiny piece is still with you and in this piece holds those happy memories that you gave to me. Nothing more, nothing less. Part of me still longs to be with you but the greater side says that you're not worth it,that after all you've put me through the least I can do is to hate you. Then comes the bigger question, can I do it?

Just Letting It Out

I know that this is totally out of the blue but I really really had to let it out. I don't know why but I feel that as we go on in our lives I get this feeling that instead of being better friends, you seem to treat me like you don't know me at all. And though it's hard to admit but I'm starting to think that if the signs you have showed to me in the first place was just something that you thought was fun and that it would be okay to do it. For the record, I am feeling really really ***king upset right now and somehow I just have to express it this way. I have been so called 'cheated' twice in a row, and although I am no professional, all I can say is that if you have never had any feelings towards the other, then don't show it at all because the other person on the other side only knows too well how it feels like to be 'cheated' that way. It really really hurts and maybe to some it id nothing at all but to me it really makes me wonder what were you're motives in the first place. If you don't get it, screw it.